I’m not exactly sure why I feel compelled to share this today but after a very clear-thinking shower this morning, it seems necessary somehow. When I was younger, I was constantly hit on by creeps. Close friends would joke about my strange magnetism and all the “alphas” I’d pull in. That doesn’t happen anymore and I don’t think it’s because I’m older or less attractive. I believe it’s because my vibration is entirely different. When I was younger, I walked around with a strong, but false confidence. It was my crab shell – my defense. But, underneath it was a lack of self worth and a deep need for male validation along with deeply programmed beliefs about men. You see, as a child I felt abandoned and disappointed by the masculine. Several of the adult women in my life told me that “men only want one thing”. More specifically, my mother would tell me that the (good) men in my life were around only because of my sexual offerings. These were the energies that surrounded me as I moved through the world and so I pulled in my vibrational matches. Prey needs predators. Through the practice of self-study/svadhyaya, I have grown leaps and bounds over the last twenty years. I have come to see this deep conditioning. And through my work with plant medicine, I have come to know my inherent value as a child of God. Thank you Mother Ayahuasca for embedding a deep sense of self-worth at a cellular level that has remained over the last three years. Through my real-world experiences and clear-eyed evaluation of past relationships, I have come to know and respect many men who are modeling the divine masculine. These men do not move through life as predators, but as lovers and protectors of all that is sacred within me. My vibration has changed. Now I attract lovely “hellos”, genuine interest, and true friendship from men. I have grown and so have the people I’m surrounded by. Again, I’m not sure why I needed to share this today, but hopefully this reflection speaks to someone. With so much love for me, and for you… Blessings on your day and your life. XO
P.S. On February 20th, there is a call to share our stories with the hashtag #thankyouplantmedicine
I will be sharing some of my past blog posts on social media and I look forward to hearing some of your stories too.